Pandemic Brides

This hurts like hell, but it feels right.

I wasn’t exactly someone who planned what their dream wedding would look like ever since I was a little girl. My idea of a dream wedding really just centered around being with family and friends, celebrating love. There would be food, drinks and we would be outside somewhere in nature. So I can only imagine what those of you who have been planning this day since you were little are going through. I understand the feeling of being torn between not wanting to wait another day to marry your partner, but also just not feeling like the time is right. 

This year really threw us a curveball, but maybe it was a curveball we all needed. Maybe there was some silver lining for us to find for ourselves and for our marriages. In any situation we must find the silver lining. 2020 should be no different. This year allowed us to focus on what really mattered: the foundation of our relationships, our basic human needs, and a deep appreciation for what we have in front of us and all around us every single day. 

I feel like quarantine somehow brought my fiancé and I closer than ever, one small part of our silver lining. It was something that we decided we would get through together. It was a conscious choice everyday to try to be our best selves, to work through the tough times not avoid them, and to feel our way through everything that got thrown our way. In no way were the last 6 months easy, but we did try to make the most of our time together in this new normal. 

We were supposed to get married September 26th of this year surrounded by our closest family and friends. It wasn’t until around May that we started to doubt the reality of it actually happening. When the inevitable conversations around the wedding came up, I would get sad or stressed simply by talking about it. Everyone that you talked to had a different thought or opinion, but he and I knew deep down that the day we had been planning would not be happening in the same way we had dreamt up this past year and a half. 

The funny thing was I had moments when I was totally content with it all. When I knew we were doing the right thing and I didn’t doubt our decision for a second. And then of course there were moments when I doubted it all. But I always came back to this inner knowing that it was all going to work out. I knew I didn’t want to wait to get married and I knew we should make the most of here and now because the future is no guarantee. 

At the end of the day I knew I had to turn to my faith to guide me through and reassure me that this was the way things were supposed to be. I had to trust in the process and to trust my inner guidance that was telling me not to wait another day. Why put off to tomorrow that which can be done today? We are doing all that we can to make the day feel as special and perfect as ever. We just had to adjust our expectations a little.

Don’t put off until tomorrow what you can do today.

-Ben Franklin 

If you were planning to get married this year and things just didn’t go the way you planned, my heart goes out to you. If you planned a wedding and then pushed your wedding only to replan another one for 2021, my heart goes out to you. If you decided to push your wedding to next year altogether, my heart goes out to you. If you decided to still get married this year with just close family and friends, my heart goes out to you.

Because at the end of the day, none of these choices were easy ones. In fact, they all really really suck. But what we all have to remember, is that no one choice is better or worse than another. As long as we are being smart and safe for ourselves and our loved ones, that is all we can do. 

The world is a crazy place right now. People are going through some pretty rough times and it’s easy to fall into the mindset of ‘why am I trying to get married and celebrate at all right now’ when there is enough going on? But this is your time, too. And sometimes in the midst of chaos and confusion people need something to celebrate. To remind them that there are still things to be grateful for and to be happy about. 

I personally didn’t want to wait to get married, so we will be having a small ceremony with just our immediate families one week from today. I am a very emotional person and this has been one of the hardest times for me. I’ve cried more times than I care to admit with all the back and forth, trying to make plans, changing plans, people pleasing, questioning if we can do anything at all, and wondering if we should cancel everything altogether. Emotional rollercoaster feels like an understatement, but trust me you are not on it alone.

I keep having to remind myself that at the end of the day, we are still able to get married. We are moving forward with our wedding because it is what feels right for us. We are keeping it as intimate as possible so that we can make sure everyone feels as safe as possible. It’s so incredibly hard to move forward in this way, knowing that our extended family and our best friends won’t be physically present to share our day with us. But it’s the most and the least that we can do right now so we plan on making the most of our wedding day. 

If you still haven’t figured out what to do for your wedding, do what feels right, not what everyone else is telling you to do. It’s already hard enough, do what’s important to you and your partner. Make sure you are on the same page. Listen to what each other is saying and do your best to honor their needs. Get honest with each other so that you have no regrets. Please know that there are countless other brides going through the same feelings and emotional rollercoasters and sadness as you, and it’s all very real and very valid. If you need someone to talk to during these wacky times please don’t hesitate to reach out to me, I’m happy to help talk you through all that you are feeling right now.

I encourage you to find the silver lining in your situation, because like I said every situation has one. How can you look at your wedding day through the eyes of love rather than through the eyes of lack? Did you end up saving money in one place that will help you and your partner some place else? Did you learn something about yourself that without going through this grueling process might you have never known? Did you prioritize the health and safety of your guests even when that was the hardest thing to do?

It will get better. Just remember that you aren’t planning a funeral, you are planning your wedding day! And regardless of if there are 2 people there are 200, it will be the most special day of your life because you are celebrating the love that you and your partner have found in each other.

2020

what’s your silverlining?

So what is your silver lining to it all? What are you most grateful for looking back at these past 6 months? What can you not put off until tomorrow and go do today?

My silver lining is that I am still getting married in one week to my fiancé, my best friend. We are so grateful for this time and even amidst the chaos and uncertainty we can’t wait to start the next chapter of our lives together. 

Written while listening to Live Your Life Nick Cordero, Lenii version