The Exception Vs. The Rule
A few years ago I saw a movie (He’s just not that into you and by a few years I mean back in 2009) that made me understand a fundamental truth about dating, but that also applied to ourselves. It honed in on how we view ourselves in certain situations verse how we view others and how we learn to think of ourselves as being either the exception or the rule. We develop this idea in our minds that just because someone else achieved something, we too must be able to achieve that thing as well. We form a rule in our heads that if we do A, B and C and follow the formula exactly of those people who have gone before us, that we are expected to also reap the benefits of following the rule. We never want to believe that we would be the exception. That would be like calling ourselves the underdog. Not today.
Yet everyday we have a choice, to be the exception or the rule. Will we be the one to break the mold or the one to fit right in? And everyday we have a choice, do we fall in line, go to work, get married, have kids, and live the same monotonous day over and over again? Or do we change the narrative little by little, bit by bit?
Will we be the one to break the mold or the one to fit right in?
One of the things I struggle with on a daily basis is making time for the things I love to do that I know will push me forward in my work and career. Things that I know will make me feel better and do better and be a better partner, daughter, sister and friend. I think it’s safe to say that we all struggle with something. There is something in each of our lives that we would give anything to just be able to give up, to walk away from and never look back. But we struggle. We’re human. And each day that we give in to our habit, we think of it as an exception, something out of the norm. But the truth is, when we give into the habit day after day, it’s really not the exception. It’s the rule that we have created in our minds as being okay to do, even when we know it’s not good for us. It’s the excuse we brush off as not being “that” bad.
Every night I am torn between sitting on the couch and watching a show and hanging or sitting down at my computer and writing. Every single night. It doesn’t mean that I write every night. In fact it feels like it's been weeks since I’ve sat down to write anything at all. And it’s not a one time deal that if I do it once I’ll never be tempted to choose between the couch and writing again. It’s a constant struggle that I will be faced with everyday. And I’m okay with that.
Cafe Gitane, NYC
Because I’ve realized that life is about balance. It’s about being extremely consistent in how you think and act but it’s also about enjoying life. The little moments that seem so insignificant along the way but that really are the most magnificent. There have been so many nights when I opt for sitting on the couch with my husband (that feels new to say!) and watching a show and laughing or honestly just sitting on the couch and doing nothing at all. And those are the moments that I'll never forget. Those are the moments that we need in our life too. It doesn’t have to be all work and no play, but you have to follow the rule enough to feel good about making the exception when you want to and most importantly when you need to.
There are days when it's easy to sit on the couch and do nothing, and I’m not going to lie, a lot of days that is what I choose to do. That is what I choose to lean into. And on those days I leave the guilt out of it. It’s not helping me or anyone else for me to sit and watch a show and feel bad about it. So if that is what I am choosing to do I am going to sit and watch that show fully and intently. I try not to look at my phone AND watch a show because then I’m really not giving my full attention to anything at all. And there are days when my soul feels the need to write, like right now, and I am able to leave it all on the page.
It’s incredibly normal to eb and flow in and out of productivity in your life. It’s normal to feel ahead and it’s normal to feel behind. The only person you should care about being better than is who you were yesterday. Allow yourself to be the exception when you need it and follow the rule the rest of the time. Not because you have to, but because it will make you a better version of who you were yesterday.
