Update From Me
Hello world, it’s me Faith.
It’s been a while. Eight months to be exact. Sure I pop in on Instagram pretty often, but this blog page has remained empty for months and while I know there’s probably about four people who actually read anything I write (looking at you mom and dad) I still feel compelled to write and to explain. Where i’ve been, what I’ve actually been up to, how things are going….
The past 18 months have been just… I don’t even know. They just happened and we powered through but dang, those were some of the hardest months we’ve ever had to endure and I hope that we ever will endure. In those 18 months I had a few things going on. I got married, turned 30, bought a house, got a new job, gained 20 pounds, lost 8, gained 4, etc., refrained from wearing jeans at all costs, and a whole bunch of other things that I can’t even remember because everyday is starting to feel the same.
I started this blog over 3 years ago as a way to connect with all of you. To feel relatable. To feel less alone. To share my struggles and hope that we could all learn from each other. And in it’s absence in my life I have missed it. I miss writing. I miss just being by myself with my laptop throwing thoughts on a page. I realize that it might seem like I had all the time in the world to be writing these past 18 months but I have to confess, I just didn’t have it in me. I feel like after giving to work and my family and myself, I barely had anything left to give anyone else. I would mindlessly consume until I felt bored with that and then I would just be done. Ready for bed at 10pm. Exhausted. I knew if I tried to write that it wouldn’t be any good. I didn’t have anything to share. I tried to pump myself up and be positive and lighthearted about things but the truth is these times weighed me down and only now am I realizing that.
But after you are feeling down, the only way to go is up. So these days I am focusing on being a light in this world. Being a light for myself, my family, my friends. Just being a light to realize that it’s not all bad and it’s definitely not all that bad. These days I am making it even more of a priority to work on myself, but my mental health even more than my physical. I’m making it a priority to do the work, whether that means working out when I don’t want to or eating something that I KNOW will make me feel good even if I want something that I know will not make me feel good. I’m trying not to think about weeks or months ahead, and just focusing on today, this moment, and how I can be better.
“Because who we are is who we are. ”
The thing I realized with all of this self help stuff is that most of us look at other people and think that they have it all figured out because they look put together in one post on social media. We think that we will be “fixed” when we actually workout everyday or stop eating sugar or get that job or make that salary or date that guy. We think we are going to morph into this other person. That we are going to change and leave the old self behind. And of course as we work on ourselves and work consistently we will change parts of ourselves and habits that we have, but we will never change who we are. Because who we are is who we are. We will always be ourselves and that is a blessing. We don’t have to keep trying to be someone we’re not. We have to keep trying to be the best version of ourselves and some days that will come easy and some days, it won’t. But we have to try.
This past year I’ve let myself go in so many ways. I haven’t always been showing up as the person I want to be and that bums me out. But it also gives me something to improve upon. I know I’m not perfect! I do not claim to be. As I go through each day I am navigating where I want to go, what I want to do and how I want to show up in the world. I love that we get to wake up each day and start fresh. I love that we are given another chance. I love that we get to ask ourselves how we want to feel and how we want to show up in the world. I love that we get to be present and be intentional with our lives, even if it doesn’t always feel like it.
So here’s to trying. Here’s to giving it our best shot. Here’s to taking responsibility for our own lives. If this pandemic has taught us anything it’s that life is short so we have to make the most of our time here. As always thank you for being you and for being here.
